Category Archives: Non Sequitorial

Non Sequitorial

A Midsummer Assessment

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Sometimes I write stuff and no one pays attention. Okay, a LOT of times I write stuff and no one pays attention. The following post is one of those, that I wrote a few years back, but it’s reflecting exactly how I feel right now. So with a few updates (in italics) you can see easily how this writer is feeling on this mid-summer night’s eve…

Been working hot and obsessively developing  another project (actually, the same one I’ve been working on for the past two years, wound like a bitch in editing hell) the last few weeks. When I do this I so live in my head I’m apt to leave lights on or subsist on string cheese and blueberries because I can eat them with one hand. Because of that I’m giving myself a pass tonight to let my mind wander.  I have too many topics rolling around the fertile landscape of my brain to settle on one, so I’m treating you to a virtual sampler of each. Think of it as the Jones version of the Olive Garden’s ‘Tour of Italy,” (more like a keto snax box filled with cherries, hard boiled eggs, any nuts I can find, and an everything bagel and cream cheese to blow all good intentions straight to hell) except not about chain restaurant Italian food or really anything to do with food at all. Please don’t ask me to explain…

~ Why is it harder to write in the summer when it should be easier? Okay, I”m a college professor, right? And I “theoretically” have the summer off (except for the [three] summer class[s] I’m teaching, which really is cake next to my usual load). So my brain should be my own (mostly), and I should be able to sail through what I’m working on, producing so many pages a day I’d best keep a fire extinguisher near my desk. Wrong! Phuque moi! Could it be the sun shining through my window? The fact I have no schedule? The lure of the beach? Distraction by a shiny object? Or I’m still trying to get to know my characters? Hmm…I going to have to think about that one. Where’s the string cheese? (Yuengling)

~ You can lose weight on summer fruit. (All right; I lied about the food reference) I live in the heart of the South Jersey farm belt, and you can’t drive more than a couple of miles without either passing a farm or a farm stand. This morning I happened to visit the latter, where I purchased tomatoes (early, but there’s nothing like a Jersey tomato!), cukes, blueberries (another iconic Jersey crop), cantaloupe and peaches, both yellow and white. Lately I’ve been gorging on berries and melons and cherries, instead of the usual snacky-type foods, and in the past month I’ve lost seven pounds! (gained three on summer ice cream) Of course, this may have something to do with the 1725 calories I’ve been allowing myself to eat, the half-hour of daily exercise, and the frequent swims in the ocean (haven’t visited the beach yet, but swam in a pool once. Yeah, it was only four feet deep, and I was hooked to a pool noodle, but I was out in the sun–Vitamin D, you know) BUT! I have had more than a couple Bacchanalia events and let me tell you, the Yuengling hasn’t been lonely!

~ Beer tastes better in summer. That’s all I got. Any other commentary on that topic would be redundant.

~ Socks suck in summer.  I haven’t worn a pair of socks since, oh…probably early May. I hate the fricking little cotton casings anyway–hate the way they bunch up under your instep, hate the indentations they make on your shins, hate how the heels always wear out when the rest of the sock can go for another 10,000 miles. But MOST of all I HATE folding them. (Hate! Hate! Hate! still) Just sayin’.

~ I love the sound of birdsong at dusk. The sun has set, the western sky is stained red, outside a soft breeze is blowing and you can finally shut off the A.C. and let in some fresh air. You venture out on your porch or you open your car window, or maybe you’re out for a walk and there in the bushes, the trees or on an overhead wire is a whip-poor-will or a mockingbird or who knows what kind of bird, only that their song is lovely, a tiny gratis pleasure on a soft summer night. What else can you possibly need?

(Except it’s as hot as balls out there tonight and there’s no beer in the house. Still, there’s watermelon in the  fridge and I don’t have to work tomorrow, unless you count working on the edit again, which I’m enjoying so much it’s not really like work at all. Life is good, peeps.)

Non Sequitorial

Happy Fourth of July! May your holiday be as full of enthusiasm as this kitty

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Fourth of July KItty!

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Nothing witty but a cute kitty

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All right, I have a cold, and my head is so stuffed it’s clogged my brain. I’m living on tea and Smith Brothers Cough Drops, so expect no words of writing wisdom from me this week. So lieu of that, here’s my cat Gracie, who never met a pair of unoccupied pants she didn’t want to sublet. Did I mention she’s exceedingly cute? I believe it goes without saying. She’s my cat, after all.

Non Sequitorial

I have no idea what any of this has to do with Easter or Passover, but here’s to a Wonderful Holiday to those who celebrate

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I know what I’m doing this weekend

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The Book Fair will be held on Saturday, March 30th from 4:30 TO 6:30 pm at the Renaissance Woodbridge Hotel located at 515 US Highway 1 South Iselin, NJ 08830.

The Book Fair is open to the general public in addition to all conference attendees.

**GPS ALERT** ENTER THIS ADDRESS for directions to the hotel: 401 Gill Lane, Iselin, NJ 08830.

Non Sequitorial

Brain on vaca thankyouverymuch

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If you’re a college professor like me, chances are March Madness has absolutely nothing to do with basketball, but everything to do with the point you’ve reached in the semester. I’m talking about when your grading brain’s been set to high-sizzle and you’d give your next two incremental raises for a week without whiteboards, lectures, mandatory offices hours, and anything coming close to a five-to-seven page essay. I’m not even going to touch midterms. Anyway, if you made what I make you’d totally know I’d have to be losing it to suggest the above. It’s bad, I tell you. One more day of looking like the above then it’s off to someplace warm. Cancun? Ft. Lauderdale? Hell no. My bed until noon, baby oh yeah!

See ya in two!

Non Sequitorial

It’s called Winter, Bro

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When I went to my  1:30 class this afternoon, it was bright and sunny and about 34 degrees, a slight breeze, and just a smattering of puffy clouds low on the horizon. When I got out about an hour and a half later, it was gray with the wind picking up, a snowflake here and there appearing. Fifteen minutes later a snow squall hit with blinding force, the visibility virtually zero, the temperature dropping fourteen degrees in five minutes. Another fifteen minutes later it was all but over, and now, two hours later, with the sun setting, the thermometer is expected to drop like a rock. The forecast in my part of New Jersey is for five above. Which makes me happy as if I were in Wisconsin, that’d be a day at the beach. The temps there when you apply the windchill factor rival the Arctic. In fact, I think it was warmer in Antarctica today.

Can you think of a better time to stay inside and write? Of course not!

Non Sequitorial

2018 Burned me out so much this is all you’re getting so far

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I’m not kidding. 2018 was a bitch. Seriously, I’m still working on things I should have finished a long time ago, but the sheer volume of those “things” haven’t let me. So here I said, two days into 2019, and I’m still working on closing out 2018. Ah well. I’ve been told 2019 will be much better. Mainly, I think because 2018 offers such a contrast. But I’m looking forward. They say not to make New Year’s Resolutions. Make goals instead. So that’s what I’m going to do. As soon as I get two minutes to rub together. Okay–gotta go.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! and keep writing!

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Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all that Rot

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Late last night I graded my last essay and sent in my final grades, a Herculean task that just about burnt my brain to a crisp. And even though I’m finished now, I kind of feel like Santa does up there, needing a stiff drink and a good long sit to recover. So I’m taking one until after the New Year, where I’ll again have to prepare for the new semester, and for two presentations I’m making, one at an MFA residency, and another at a writer’s conference. I won’t mention the interim semester class I’m teaching, or the book I’m just pages away from finishing. Well anyway, don’t we all suffer for our art?

Happy Holidays to everyone and here’s to a gleamingly prosperous New Year. It’s got to be better than the last one!

Non Sequitorial

The Holidays are hitting – Five Sure Signs

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The following is a reboot of a post from a couple of years ago, but I happen to like it and I’ve been so busy grading end-of-semester essays, my brain’s too mushed to think up anything original. So consider it a Christmas gift–from me to you and visa-versa. (You may thank me now.)

With Hanukkah now behind us, another holiday fest starts imminently, but you would think that it already has, as much as gets done in December. As for me, I simply let the ‘daze rumble past like a runaway train, and if something happens to fall out of the caboose for me, so be it.  But if you believe the concept driving the season is peace and not what piece is for you, then here’s a few hints to let you know just how far behind you are:

1. The Great Work Stoppage – As soon as the Thanksgiving turkey comes out of the oven, it’s as if everyone forgets they have a job. Suddenly all meetings become holiday parties, and if you’re expecting that report to get finished, you might as well call back next year. In my particular milieu, I nearly have to hit my students over the head with their final essays to get them to even remember my name.

2. Vanishing Editors – If you were hoping to get your manuscript sold before the end of the year–ha ha, good one! From now until after New Year’s, editors, as well as a fair amount of agents, take a breather and make the rounds of Gotham’s holiday celebrations, where I imagine a fair amount of deal making takes place over the babaganoush. If you’re the writer, think of it as a temporary reprieve from submission angst.Oy to the World!

3. Everything’s on Sale – Back in the day, you used to have to wait until after Christmas to get a price cut, but thanks to retail giants like Target and Macy’s, the discounts only get deeper the closer you get to the big day. Which is fine, because if you’re like me, the shopping starts the day before, and I’m all about half-off.

4. The Dread Christmas Sweater – Think about it: if it wasn’t the holidays, would you ever wear that sweater in public? Do you actually like rick-rack, glitter, Rudolph’s battery-operated flashing nose, or cable-knitted Thomas Kinkade reproductions on your chest? So much better to wear the DCS’s less offensive cousins, The Christmas Socks. At least we only have to endure them when you cross your legs.

Creepy Christmas5. “Oh go ahead – it’s the Holidays.” – Which means, go ahead and eat that brandy cheesecake as big as your head. What the hell – you’re on Lipitor anyway, and your blood test isn’t until January. Which also means you can eat half that Hickory Farm’s beef stick, which is my personal holiday no-denial favorite. No fooling, I’m stocking up!

Only thirteen days left. Get crackin’!