Category Archives: Non Sequitorial

My Midsummer Night Meander

5MN1Been working hot and obsessively developing  another project the last few weeks. When I do this I so live in my head I’m apt to leave lights on or subsist on string cheese and blueberries because I can eat them with one hand. Because of that I’m giving myself a pass tonight to let my mind wander.  I have too many topics rolling around the fertile landscape of my brain to settle on one, so I’m treating you to a virtual sampler of each. Think of it as the Jones version of the Olive Garden’s Tour of Italy,” except not about chain restaurant Italian food or really anything to do with food at all. Please don’t ask me to explain…

~ Why is it harder to write in the summer when it should be easier? Okay, I”m a college professor, right? And I “theoretically” have the summer off (except for the summer class I’m teaching, which really is cake next to my usual load). So my brain should be my own (mostly), and I should be able to sail through what I’m working on, producing so many pages a day I’d best keep a fire extinguisher near my desk. Wrong! Phuque moi! Could it be the sun shining through my window? The fact I have no schedule? The lure of the beach? Distraction by a shiny object? Or I’m still trying to get to know my characters? Hmm…I going to have to think about that one. Where’s the string cheese?

~ You can lose weight on summer fruit. (All right; I lied about the food reference, but here’s living proof I write by the seat of my pants.) I live in the heart of the South Jersey farm belt, and you can’t drive more than a couple of miles without either passing a farm or a farm stand. This morning I happened to visit the latter, where I purchased tomatoes (early, but there’s nothing like a Jersey tomato!), cukes, blueberries (another iconic Jersey crop), cantaloupe and peaches, both yellow and white. Lately I’ve been gorging on berries and melons and cherries, instead of the usual snacky-type foods, and in the past month I’ve lost seven pounds! Of course, this may have something to do with the 1725 calories I’ve been allowing myself to eat, the half-hour of daily exercise, and the frequent swims in the ocean BUT! I have had more than a couple Bacchanalia events and let me tell you, the Yuengling hasn’t been lonely!

~ Beer tastes better in summer. That’s all I got. Any other commentary on that topic would be redundant.

~ Socks suck in summer.  I haven’t worn a pair of socks since, oh…probably early May. I hate the fricking little cotton casings anyway–hate the way they bunch up under your instep, hate the indentations they make on your shins, hate how the heels always wear out when the rest of the sock can go for another 10,000 miles. But MOST of all I HATE folding them. Hate! Hate! Hate! Just sayin’.

~ I love the sound of birdsong at dusk. The sun has set, the western sky is stained red, outside a soft breeze is blowing and you can finally shut off the A.C. and let in some fresh air. You venture out on your porch or you open your car window, or maybe you’re out for a walk and there in the bushes, the trees or on an overhead wire is a whip-poor-will or a mockingbird or who knows what kind of bird, only that their song is lovely, a tiny gratis pleasure on a soft summer night. What else can you possibly need?

Random brushes with greatness

With QuestloveYou know you’ve really made it when people will post pictures of you posing with them on their website, but until then I’ll have to subsist on the other side of the ‘net. This photo is from Friday’s jaunt to Random House, when yours truly got to meet and greet with the likes of Questlove of the Roots. (Note to self: do not wear flouncy blouses when getting pix taken of you. Remember that old piece of advice about the lens adding ten pounds? Living proof.)Pierce Brown Here’s another on of Pierce Brown meeting my hair. He was so nice the next time I go to one of his signings I’m going to bring my face. Justin Cronin Justin Cronin was also very nice, and I found out he’s also a graduate of the Iowa Writer’s Workshop, which to a fellow MFAer like me, that’s right up there with Harvard and Yale.  Also totally appreciated the fact I was blowing off class to see him.  Could you possibly find a better skip day?Anna Quindlen and Lee Woodruff The next one is a really badly-focused picture of Anna Quindlen (left) and Lee Woodruff, but that was really because of my shitty camera-phone, and nothing at all to do with how fab they are in person.

And they were, along with the many other authors we saw that day. So much fun, books, food, chocolate, wine, and hey! I won a Magic Bullet in a raffle. What could be better?

Almost there

Blindfolded Typing Competition in Paris, ca. 1940Normally I’d be posting some kind of inspiring message to all those fledglings and fans today, but I’m thisclose to finishing up my latest epic, so I’m going to have to bail. Plus I have a bajillion assignments to grade, and then TCM is hosting a night of German Expressionism with one of the scariest movies out there Nosferatu, which never failed to scare the crap out of me. Oy, who needs this many things to do! I’d better get back to work.

Get Your Geek on NJ!

20160330_geekfest_logo_300Local geeks unite again this Saturday at the South Jersey Geek Fest in Woodbury Heights.

The convention celebrates comics, video and tabletop gaming, cosplay and other nerdy fun with more than 75 vendors, plus YouTube celebrities like Living in 8 Bits and Comic Trips.

CosPlay fans will delight in the Mystic Realm live role-playing experience, while those seeking more competitive thrills can participate in the Super Smash Bros. tournaments or join in on some board game action.  There will also be a Cosplay Kickball Home Run Derby open to all costumed attendees.

For the littlest nerds there will be two “Geekster egg” hunts, one for kids under 5 years and one for children ages 6 to 10.

A wristband pass cost $8 (children under age 10 are free when accompanied by a paying attendee).  CosPlayers and folks who bring non-perishable food items for people or pets get in for just $5.

Reposted Jana Shea at Newsworks http://www.newsworks.org

What I did last Saturday

Gretchen Gwen Chris Clemetson LSFW
Geniuses, all: Gretchen Weerheim, moi, Chris Clemetson.

Just because I have a few books out there with a Big Five publisher that doesn’t make me a somebody. (Okay, maybe it at least qualifies me for Amateur Plus status.) But once in a while I do get out in the World for a chance to mingle with the famous and near-famous, and that can only up my cred. Last weekend I was at the seventh annual Liberty States Fiction Writers Conference in Iselin, here in my home state of New Jersey. It’s a fun event,  with workshops and panels and editor/agent appointments, speakers like Hank Phillippi Ryan.  I even got to attend a wicked Mad Libs session given by Kate McMurray,  Tere Michaels  and Damon Suede. And who knows, maybe I even learned something.

Gretchen, Hank Phillippi Ryan, Yours Truly
Gretchen, Hank Phillippi Ryan, Yours Truly
Kate McMurray, Tere Michaels, Damon Suede at Mad Libs LSFW
Kate McMurray, Tere Michaels, Damon Suede at Mad Libs LSFW

March Madness

e81c189f8951bf90ea28fc6741cc4d04Okay, it’s March now, and I’m sorry, this month is just weird. We celebrate being Irish, but how come we don’t have a day to celebrate being Dutch like me? I mean seriously, we have great chocolate and that kid who put his finger in the dike. And long before Colorado got legal they were smoking in the streets of Amsterdam, But I digress.

And isn’t that just typical. Because things getting weird seem so apropos this most weird of months. March is kind of like being a teenager: no longer a child, but not quite an adult either, made even worse because it can’t make up its mind what it wants to be. For instance: even though Spring is just two weeks away, March is still messing around with Winter. Yesterday it was sixty; Friday the weather prediction is snow. (Okay—around this part of Jersey, they’re only calling for a brief, spate of slushiness early in the morning, but it still counts.) And even though the squirrels and sparrows are chasing each other up and down and around the maples and the daffodils are sprouting, I’m still turning on the furnace at night. Plus there’s my own self, still pudgy with winter poundage, but my feet and arms and legs are yearning to breath free, and isn’t that just cruel, as I found out today my body is suffering for it. After a routine blood screen, my doctor informed me I’m low in Vitamin D, which comes from not spending enough time outside. Big surprise there! Who wants to, when the outside’s not exactly been inviting lately—except for those two days when it sadistically flirted with the upper echelon of the thermometer. But isn’t that just typically spiteful of bipolar March.

I’m just sayin’… Think about it: it’s windy, and it’s associated with a lion. And although lions are majestic and strong, realistically—they will eat you. Julius Caesar was told by a seer on his way to the Senate to “beware the Ides of March.” To which he answered, “Well, the Ides of March have come,” and the seer replied “Aye, they have come, but they are not gone.” But he’d be, before the afternoon was out And then there’s that whole “March Madness” attributed to college basketball playoffs. Is it coincidence this term of insanity is applied? If it isn’t, then why isn’t the football season called “November Nutso” or baseball, “May Mania?” Because the other months just don’t seem as off-kilter as March, so expectedly unreasonable. But then again, maybe not as interesting.

Ah, well, onto April!

 

Just sayin’

12744646_1726122334274166_7638752836448943458_nSorry, but I’m a firm believer in not only the Oxford Comma, as well as all forms of grammar rigidity, especially since living among the absence of such is hastening my eventual decline into ridiculousness. Call me petty, but that’s the way it is for someone who spends their days dealing with the open defiance of all rules of written language usage. Then again, who cares as long as we’re communicatin’? I mean, honestly, DILLIGAS?

Master of One

Outliers by Malcolm GladwellMalcolm Gladwell’s Outliers (Little, Brown & Co. ) is not a new book. In fact it’s over eight years old, but it is one that I’ve read lately. As in the other Gladwell books (The Tipping Point, Blink), the author picks a subject and expands on it, or as he explains in his website, I write books when I find myself returning again and again, in my mind, to the same themes. Said theme for Outliers was, and I liberally interpret: Why do some people become successful and others, who are just as educated and innately intelligent, don’t? This is a question I have posited myself, as I have seen some people rocket to the top of their chosen profession while many of their peers struggle and remain perennially in the backfield. So I picked up Gladwell’s book hoping to find not so much answers as explanations, and I certainly received what I was searching for. Not that it made me feel any better. In fact, there’s a simple word to explain exactly how I felt.

Screwed.

As Gladwell theorizes, it’s not how hard you work, but how advantageous you were in where and when you were born, and how the culture in which you developed shaped you. In essence, as hard as some people work to succeed, the vast majority of those who do find success do so aided by circumstances beyond their efforts. Or as the author puts it: …we vastly underestimate the extent to which success happens because of things the individual has nothing to do with. Now, who hasn’t heard the stories? The accountant who just happens to send his resumé in on the day another accountant gets fired, and gets hired, purely out of necessity. The actor who gets to star in a blockbuster film after the first pick for the role turns it down. Or as in Bill Gate’s case, growing up in Seattle the son of a wealthy lawyer whose private middle school, in 1968, was able to afford a unique computer for him, and a few other select geeks, to use on their own. A computer, tied to a main-frame up town, which Bill and his cohorts got to use day and night and weekends and all summer until all they did was program and program and program, until this coding-jones replicated exponentially into Microsoft. My God, how could you compete with those innate set of circumstances? Because part of what Gladwell expounds on, what ultimately leads to Bill’s success, lay not so much in the advantages, as the time he spent perfecting his craft. His 10,000 hours.

Gladwell postulates that in order to be considered a Master in any given field, one must spend a minimum of ten years, or ten thousand hours,  grinding away at it. Bill started out by obsessively programming for almost 1,600 hours in one seven month period. Likewise, the Beatles launched their career by performing in Hamburg, Germany, for 270 nights in a little over eighteen months, for almost 1200 hours. Reading that, I began to feel a little better about myself, as I’ve had my own set slave-driving circumstance. To wit:

You may as well know, I’m an academic.  I have a Master of Fine Arts degree in Writing and  at the time my thesis, a novel, was in progress, I was working on a three-book contact. So, in one ten-month period, I wrote one 80,000 and three 50,000 word novels, as well as several papers, four grant proposals (I minored in grant writing), and two short stories. This is addition to all the ancillary writing that goes along with the business of submission and course requirements, so I spent many a weekend from sun-up to -set still in my dressing gown, gaining my sustenance by anything I could eat with one hand. At times, it wasn’t a pretty sight, but it was always exhilarating and ultimately very rewarding.

The end result is I can drop prose like others drop trou, and now I get to teach people how to do it. I’m not perfect, I’m still a work-in-progress, but I can honestly say I love what I do. And if you can say that, well then, your working days are done.

Liberty States Fiction Writers Annual Conference is coming! March 19-20, 2016

banner300x300Hey writers! Looking for something to do on these cold winter days? How about looking into the 7th Annual Create Something Magical Conference Saturday, March 19 thru Sunday, March 20, 2016 at the Renaissance Woodbridge Hotel in Iselin, NJ.

  • Two days of workshop offerings for both Writers and Readers
  • Editor/Agent Appointments
  • An open to the public book signing
  • Dessert and dancing at our Saturday night party
  • Tons of opportunities to meet and connect with readers and authors
                                                    Keynote Speakers
New York Times &
USA Today Bestselling Author

Catherine Bybee
AND Mary Higgins Clark
Award Winning Author

Hank Phillippi Ryan
Catherine Bybee

For more info follow this link to LSFW!

hank-2013-bio

 

RIP Thin White Duke 1947-2016

12chappatte-master675
By Patrick Chappatte for The New York Times

The only time I saw David Bowie was in his Station to Station Tour in the late ’70s. I was very young and impressionable, and wanting to fit in only the most glam-rock way, I wore a sky blue satin vest to his concert at the long-gone Spectrum in Philadelphia. As I sat there dead-center back in the first tier, passing joints and sipping Schmidts as an enormous train chuffed in the background to Bowie singing “TVC 15,” I thought back to the first time I heard him. My cousin had just gotten his Ziggy Stardust album, and was completely blown away by it. “Just listen to this,” she said, playing “Suffragette City.” And we did, maybe ten times over, slam-dancing across her room and screaming “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am!” I never heard anything like Bowie in my young life and for one reason or the other, being into him as much as I was made me feel part of something unique, like an elite corp of insiders. I can’t explain it, but his music just made you feel that way, and rather than fade I kept being amazed by him well into the new millennium.

You will be missed, Mr. Bowie, but thank you for such an astounding ride. RIP.