No lie, it was freaking ninety degrees in Jersey today. Like it’s the middle of July, I’ve been blasting the air conditioner inside my house and on the road. What’s worse, here it is three days from October, and I’ve yet to see anyone cradling Pumpkin Spice coffee yet (not that it’s any great loss to mankind). But how would you when the only thing anyone still wants steaming is the hot fudge atop their sundae? Really, I’ve had it with summer already.  I want the temperature bearable. I want a frost to finally get rid of these bastard mosquitoes who’ve  been chomping my legs all summer. But let me give you a few more reasons why I’m so much more about Autumn than the hellacious  weather this year passed as summer. (And if you think you’ve read some of this before, well hey, you can’t plagiarize yourself, and dammit, some things just bear repeating):

1. Apples – Gala, Cortland, Mac, Granny – sure you can get them at the supermarket all year ’round, but this time of year, you can pluck them right off the tree. Here in the Northeast there’s no shortage of apple farms, and luckily enough, no shortage of Apple Festivals and Hard Apple Cider samples either. This abundance of apples leads to the inevitable apple cakes, apple muffins, apple sauce, fried apples, apple fritters, apple dumplings, apple doughnuts, applesauce, apple lasagna…

2. Cooler Nights – Seriously, I have nothing intrinsically against summer, but I also like to get a good night’s sleep. And I don’t care what you say about air conditioning – the only difference it makes to my downtime is I get a bit of Sinus Inflamed Fitful Sleep instead of wallowing the night away in a pool of sweat-soaked sheets. Big difference from leaving the window opened a tad and tucking the covers under your chin. Plus you can snuggle up with the person next to you and not have your skin go phwhuck! from the contact. So much pleasanter. And quieter!

3. Better Movies – With the summer blockbuster season behind us, the studios finally roll out their “serious” films, as we get closer to Oscar time. Goodbye car chases, blue screens and dick flicks, I can finally revel in some meaningful dialogue and decent acting. Now if I could only find a theater that’s actually showing one I would be happy.

4. Boots! – And tights and leggings and socks. Look, there’s nothing like freeing your feet for sandals and walking barefoot. But with that comes a lot of leg and foot maintenance. I mean seriously, pedicures aren’t cheap–$35, $40, $50 a pop, and you wouldn’t want to see what my toenails look like when I do them myself. It’s worth every penny, but sinking your tootsies in knee-high boots and zipping them over a tight pair of jeans has merit, too. Not to mention skipping a time or two with the razor or wax job. Invaluable.

5. Scarves Are Back – Love them. LOVE THEM. They make you look artsy and dramatic, and keep your neck warm at the same time. What other article of clothing can you buy at Target that says so much for so little? Plus they keep the collar of that wool jacket you look tres chic in from itching so bad you’d like to rip your skin off. Ah, the price of fashion…

Let the leaves fall!